Thank God for Closed Doors

Good morning folks. First I would like to say thank you to God for keeping me and my loved ones safe after the tragic events that occurred yesterday in Washington, DC. Secondly, I would like to send my prayers and condolences to the families and friends of those that lost someone due to that senseless act.

I woke up this morning and saw on a friend's Facebook page a quote that stated, "Opening the door to your future requires shutting the door to your past." And it seems like for the past couple of weeks I have been reminded of this in some shape or fashion.

Once you have taken the time to 'reflect' and 'review' the past year you've come to that wonderful moment of closure. Before you can begin to manifest what you desire for your life you will need to go back and close a few doors that may stay open and cause a very bad draft!

Have you ever noticed when you are in a room and a door is even slightly ajar you can't help but periodically glance over to see if anyone is going to come through? Similar to that open door, if you have missed something from your past you keep looking over your shoulder and in the process, you generally miss the wonderful experiences in your present. If you haven't placed some kind of closure on these past events or in other words, 'shut the door', subconsciously you will still have your mind on them.

No doubt you have heard it said, "When one door closes, another one opens." In your meditations and dreams, doors represent opportunities that are before you. It is always up to you to either stand outside a closed door or push it open and step on through into a new adventure. It is always wise to let a door close behind you, realizing that you are now through with that life experience and are now prepared to move on to the next challenge. It can be scary stepping outside of your comfort zone but it can also be exhilarating, enlightening, and empowering. You have to go through the doorway in order to experience what is on the other side.

Trying and learning new things can be overwhelming if you allow it to be. You must remember that you didn't always know how to walk, talk, drive, cook, read and write. These were skills that you developed as you grew. As children you welcomed learning without over analyzing the process. It wasn't until you got older and realized the fear of failure that you began to hold yourself back. Through self-awareness you will learn that you never really failed but instead completed a life lesson.

Think over the past year and see if you can recognize doors that you opened in order to take advantage of new opportunities. Did you take a chance and step out of what had become your comfort zone? Do you feel you have left some doors ajar or swinging in the wind that you need to go back and close? Look at where you are now and notice that you have moved forward on your life's journey.

Are there more doors ahead of you? Well of course there are! It is hard to tell just how many doors await you, but be sure that it is all up to you which ones you will open, which ones you leave closed and whether or not you step back and just wait and hope that the door will open all on its own.

Caution: when shutting doors it is extremely important that you remove anything and anyone who is stuck in the way of it's closing! Simply pretending things didn't happen or you can forget about them does not release the hold they have on you. You need to face the memories and come to terms with them: give forgiveness where needed, release pain, admit to mistakes made and embrace the lessons learned. You will gain a sense of freedom and lightness, as the chains that once bound you are broken. Renewed inner strength will empower you, enabling you to unlock the door(s), which lie ahead. As you venture forward, do so with the same innocence that you processed as a young child allowing you to embrace the moments of learning and growth as though it were for the very first time.

As you close the door to your past experiences, remember to give thanks for the opportunity to have gone through that life lesson and take from it at least one positive memory. Cut any cords that may still hold you back then make your exit! Step through that doorway with eyes wide open and greet whatever awaits you with the knowing that you have become stronger, wiser and have the power within and around you to go through anything. Once closure is made you will be ready to focus on what it is you desire and smile.

Be blessed.


DC Southern Gent.

Holding my Head Up: Ten Foot Stilettos

I have received immense feedback regarding my recent post.  Most of which never knew that I was experiencing so many of the same emotions as them.  Well folks, I'm human just like y'all.  One of my good friends told me that out of all of his friends, I hold it together the best. So well that no one would ever know that I was traveling against the grain battling so many of life's hardships and pains.

I can only hold it together for so long until everything crumbles like a Jenga tower.  Over the past few days my phone, email, and Facebook inbox has been inundated with messages stating that they saw my ex and someone that I thought was just a "friend" of my ex being intimate in a public setting.  Most did not know that we were no longer together and were sharing this information with me for my own awareness.  While others I feel may have been doing this out of spite and hatred.  Either way, that Jenga tower is swaying left and right.  I keep asking myself, "How could he move on so quickly?" Was he seeing this person while we were together?  Was this person plotting the entire time to break-up our relationship? Was the love he proclaimed ever genuine?  Well, I have to tell myself that the moments I shared with him were good and I can not fester over the ending.

When I use the words "men" and "rebound" in the same sentence, male minds might quickly conjure up thoughts of their favorite NBA teams. Women, however, understand that I am addressing the phenomenon of rushing into a new relationship after the dissolution of an old one. And while men aren't the only ones guilty of this relationship ricochet, they are, by far, the most-likely to engage in this particular type of reactionary behavior.

So, what causes men to move on so quickly from a breakup with you to the arms of another person? Understandably, you might think it has to do with him not being particularly invested in his relationship with you. You could easily believe the rapidity of his action indicates he isn't at all broken up about your breakup, that he had no deep feelings for you and he cavalierly is humming to himself, "Another One Bites The Dust." Those assumptions would be perfectly reasonable. They would, however, be completely wrong.

You see, when men invest emotionally in a relationship, their feelings run as deeply as yours, whether they show it or not. So, when their relationship crumbles, it causes a huge emotional void. Unlike you, men don’t have the social support network to buoy them up in their time of pain and sadness. They can't cry to their friends, seek solace from their mothers, or drown their feelings in a bucket of "Rocky Road."

If they thought that kind of behavior would be acceptable, they might engage in it. But men are all too aware that stoicism, soldiering on, and "walking it off" are fundamental guidelines in the male handbook, and breaching these would cause them to be a target of ridicule, pity and serious lampooning from their male "comrades-in-arms."

So, what's a guy to do? He's hurting, but he can't tell anyone. And grieving and wallowing in private are likely to only lead to consuming mass quantities of Jim Beam to dull his pain (he preferred Mark West Pinot Noir). Thus, he realizes, with such limited options available, he must speedily move to contain his about-to-erupt emotions by filling the vacuum created by the demise of his previous relationship.

How does he do this? By seeking out someone else to focus his attention on, both emotionally and sexually. And, the sooner, the better, for it is this new person who heals his wounds by allowing him to step back into the comfortable, acceptable space of being the tough, unruffled man that he is supposed to be. He or she facilitates his return to a state of being where he can once again feel masculine and in control of himself and his emotions. Order is restored and all is right with the world again.

The speed in which a man moves from a bitter breakup to a new amorous attachment is directly proportional to the pain he's feeling -- the deeper the hurt, the quicker the hookup. I guess that says a lot for my ego eh? So if you see your ex in the arms of another within days of your breakup, don't write him off as a horny, uncaring, trollop. Instead, recognize that he was deeply hurt by the end of your relationship and is doing the best he can to mend his broken heart. Then, with that understanding in place, it is perfectly reasonable to go home and cut his head out of all the photos of him you own, and incinerate them in your barbecue. Hey, he deals with his pain one way, you deal with yours another. Who's to judge?

Be Blessed.

DC Southern Gent.

Moving On: It's Never Easy, but Necessary

These past few weeks have been some of the most trying and emotional for me.  I went from having the love of my life to having nothing.  Started a new position with an incredible organization.  Went on vacation with friends to a luxurious and peaceful island, only to return to the world that I thought was resolved and improved.

Today I have made the decision to move on. Not for anyone else, but for me.  I have made the decision to be selfish in the sense that my well-being comes first!  What good am I to others when I am not taking care of myself?  This is not an easy decision for me, but it is necessary.

I have sought out advice from family, friends, and most importantly God on how I should proceed.  I've been told to burn things (lol), start dating someone new, or just hold out because things are not over yet and he will come back.  I think I will forgo all of those options and take heed to something I was recently told: STAY STILL.  

It’s never easy when a significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split—and whether you wanted it or not—the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

A breakup launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.  All of which I have been experiencing

Recovering from a breakup is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

There are three things that I have to remind myself in this process:

• Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings.

It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the relationship was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.

• Give yourself a break.

Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.

• Don’t go through this alone.

Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you need it.

So funny how quickly life changes. I became comfortable even when certain signs were brighter than the banners shining in Time Square.  This is my time to learn, live, and love again.

Feel free to leave your opinions and ask questions. I'm far from an expert, but I do have a perspective.

Be Blessed.